Famous Humicorns: This May Surprise You

Since I started writing this blog, I've done a lot of research and have uncovered some pretty amazing facts. For example, I've learned that all unicorns are impervious to paper cuts. For some reason, they just never get them, no matter how much filing or collating they do. Also, I've learned that unicorns cannot taste yellow foods. This is why, if you see someone eating a banana and he or she is really enjoying it, you can be reasonably sure that he or she is not a unicorn.

I think the most interesting thing I've learned, however, is how to spot a humicorn. A humicorn, as I've mentioned previously, is the human type of unicorn. Humicorns are very clever and can hide their horns from the rest of us with magic. It takes a trained eye, and millions of dollars of sophisticated equipment to be able to spot a humicorn--or at least it did until very recently.

Earlier this year, Irish scientists discovered (while drunk) that it is possible to detect humicorns while forgoing the need for all the expensive equipment with a simple procedure. All one has to do to verify the status of a suspected humicorn, is to yell very loudly at a picture of that 'person'. The scientists fell into this discovery (almost literally) while one of them was yelling at a picture of his ex-wife, and a horn suddenly on her head in the picture. The rest of them verified the procedure by doing the same with pictures of their ex-wives (apparently the divorce rate among Irish scientists is mind-numbingly high for some reason). Only a few of the photos transmogrified, but one of the scientists noticed that some of the pictures in an entertainment magazine lying on a table near by had also changed, and so, what has come to be known as the "Humicorn Scream Test" was born.

Using this test, I have been able to uncover some pretty famous and influential Humicorns.

(A WARNING: Some of these may surprise you, so read on at your own risk.)

The first person I chose as the subject of the Humicorn Scream Test was Kevin Bacon. I was not disappointed. Now maybe we can change the name of the game to "Six Degrees of Unicorn".

Sigmund Freud, as it turns out, was also a humicorn. Here is a slightly censored picture which might explain the themes of many of his theories.

Humicorns are not the only creatures who hide their true nature using magic. Here is a picture of an evil demon that I also uncovered using the scream test.

Often times, when Humicorns get very, very old, they lose their ability to conceal their horns with magic, and are forced to revert to other methods.

A little backgroud

Before I go any further in exposing the world wide unicorn conspiracy, I should probably tell you all a little about myself, and why I am so interested in the matter. My interest in unicorns ultimately stems from a lack of self awareness. This sounds strange, so let me explain. I was adopted when I was six days old, and I have never met my birth parents. Although in the nature/nurture debate I come down pretty heavily on the nurture side, I am still left with some uncertainty as to who I really am, and where I come from. It is the mystery of my uncertain origins which has led me to conclude that, since I can't say anything about my biological ancestry, it logically follows that I must be a unicorn. In fact, I have long suspected that I have been an undercover (and unaware) agent for the unicorn movement my entire life.



So this blog, then, turns out to be an exercise in self exploration. Seeking the truth about the unicorn conspiracy is another way for me to seek the truth about myself.
















Me with a fellow unicorn I met at a music festival in BC in the summer of 2008.



Stay tuned for my next post, in which I will list and expose many of the most influencial Humicorns that have helped shape the world in which we live...

The Myth of the Unicorn Myth

One of the biggest myths about unicorns is that they are, in fact, a myth. As scientists and historians are slowly discovering, unicorns are not only real, but actually control our society and shape the world as we know it. They oversee almost every aspect of our daily lives, while still somehow managing to keep us convinced that they don't exist. The aim of this blog will be to expose the unicorn conspiracy and shed some light on these mysterious and cunning creatures.

With recent advances in unicorn detection technology (UDT), we are becoming more and more aware of the influence unicorns have actual had on our lives. Many unicorns, having skillfully disguised themselves, have been in our midst since the beginning of recorded history. There is even some evidence that suggests that they interacted openly with early homo sapiens in prehistoric times.

As you can see from this recently discovered prehistoric painting, unicorns predate even writing and have been among us for far longer than previously thought.

One of the ways unicorns have been able to escape detection for so long (even in a world which has become as digitally driven as ours, where cameras are more accessible than ever) is that they no longer adhere to their traditional forms. A common misconception about these mysterious beast is that they all resemble horses. This is not the case at all. Unicorns come in as many varieties as non-unicornal animals. There are dog-shaped unicorns, cow-shaped unicorns, rabbit-shaped unicorns and bird-shaped unicorns. This may sound strange, but it shouldn't. We've known about whale shaped unicorns for centuries; we call them 'narwhals'.

This herd of 'narwhals' is actually a herd of unicorns. Until recently, narwhals were the only type of unicorn that did not conceal itself from us. It is only with the use of modern technology that we have recently been able to detect other kinds.

Of the many types of unicorns, the one that has had the most influence on human society is (not surprisingly) the human shaped unicorn. Human shaped unicorns, like all other types of unicorns have horns on their foreheads, however, they often use their magical powers to conceal these horns from our view. Below is a picture of a human shaped unicorn (or 'humicorn') with her horn hidden by magic.

Not all humicorns are wrinkly and crazy looking. That this one happens to be, is a coincidence.