Tackling a Transit Taboo

I realized recently that if I'm going to have a blog about taking public transportation, sooner or later I'm going to need to talk about bus flatulence.

We've all been there: on a long bus ride, when we feel the rumble that warns of the winds of change. In this case of course, the change I'm referring to is the change from not stinky to stinky.

My personal policy has always been to fart as sneakily as possible when on the bus, and only when there are least three people present, as it's very hard to pass the buck when there's only one other person around. "Who farted? uhh.. you did!"

I realized the other day that not only am I sneaky about farting, but I'm more likely to do it when I'm sitting beside someone who looks more likely to fart on a bus than me.

I was on the bus feeling the rumble and considering my options. All of a sudden, a lady got on the bus, and I immediately began intensely hoping she would sit beside me; she was perfect! She had a pretty severe case of the crazy eyes, and was wearing a big ratty wig with a chin strap. I could see as she was walking down the aisle towards me that she had her eye on the open seat beside me. I'd already let go of about half of the goods by the time she sat down next to me. Only a few minutes later, everyone within nose-shot was giving her the dirtiest looks you can imagine, while I was just sitting there beaming and soaking it all in.

It worked so well, that it makes me wonder how many people have done the same to me. I do have a mullet...