How you know you're going to have a great day:

The other day, I was on my way to school for an eight a.m. class, and I was having one of those days when I was only about 50% certain that I wasn't actually still lying in bed dreaming. You know the days I'm talking about: you wake up, shower, shave, get dressed, eat breakfast, and then while you're riding your purple horse on the way to school through a forest possessed by the spirit of your fourth grade teacher, you realize that you are still dreaming, and will have to go through your entire morning routine all over again. (Except for the horse in the forest part.)

Anyway, on this particular day, I was only about half sure that I wasn't still dreaming, and then something happened that didn't help the situation at all:

When I got to my bus stop in Osborne Village, I stepped in something squishy.

My first reaction was to try and wake up. I thought, "If I am still dreaming, then what's the point of even looking down? I don't want to see something really nasty if I don't absolutely have to." After about 20 seconds of pinching myself and violently shaking my head, I realized that I was actually awake, and that sooner or later, I would have to deal with the squishy situation that I was still standing in at my bus stop. Curiosity was starting to get the best of me anyway.

So I took a deep breath and looked down...

I had stepped in vomit. Not just any vomit, either, but fresh steaming vomit.

I thought to myself, "OK self, this day can go one of two very different and distinct directions: I can either have the worst day ever, or the best day ever." I decided it would be the latter of the two, be like most people, I prefer having really good days to really bad days.

Then I turned around an saw the guy who had obviously just vomited, lying on the bench by the bus stop. I decided to thank him for the vomit, and so I yelled: "Woo Hoo! Thanks for the vomit, Sleeping Homeless Guy!" And then something amazing happened:

When I yelled, a horn suddenly became visible to me on his forehead. Just like it had so many times during my Scream Testing of pictures of famous people. This meant that the Scream Test for detecting pictures of unicorns works in real life on live unicorns too! You can probably imagine how exciting this news was to me.

Since finding out this amazing new piece of information, I have not been able to stop unicorn hunting. In other words, I've been walking around downtown yelling at strangers while staring at their foreheads.

I've gotten a few weird looks, but when I find a heard of unicorns in business suits out for a noon time power lunch, and then they take me back to their den to teach me magic, it will all have been worth it. Trust me.