Loud Headphones on the bus...

So I'm not one of those people who gets annoyed at the drop of a hat (I mean what could possibly be annoying about the drop of a hat) but one thing that does sort of piss me off is when someone on the bus plays their music so loud through their headphones that I can hear very clearly what it is, but has the audacity not to take requests. I guess it's just a pet peeve of mine. (another pet peeve of mine is the phrase "pet peeve"-- I find it very irksome, as do I also find the word "irksome".)

Occasionally, however, someone will be listening to their music intensely loud, but it will be something ridiculous. These people are ok.

Here's a list of the things I've overheard people listening to in the past month, and why I think each is funny:

1. Bon Jovi: (funny because Jon Bon Jovi has feathered hair.)

2. Hungry like a Wolf: (funny because who the hell would risk their hearing to listen to 80's music at full blast?)

3. AC DC (Because they suck)

and finally, my favourite:

4. The Theme Song from Ghostbusters (Not only is this funny because of the obvious reasons, but also, the girl listening to it had a huge curly wig with a chin strap, and the most intense case of the crazy eyes I think I've ever seen.)

Night Morning Bus Rides

So it's almost 7 in the morning right now, and I haven't slept at all. I was up all night doing homework, and I have to be in class in exactly 1 hour and six minutes. This means something very exciting for me:

Night morning bus ride!

Let me explain: When a person stays up all night, morning doesn't feel like morning, but rather a really really really late night. Night morning. And when a person takes the bus in the night morning, he or she gets to ride with a bunch of people who are having morning mornings.

This invariably leads to giggling.

I love night mornings in general because night morning is the time when I think I'm the funniest. Everything I do when I'm night-morning tired, is the funniest thing in the history of the universe.

Unfortunately night mornings are usually followed by night afternoons. Night afternoons are the worst thing in the world. During night afternoons, a person is generally so tired that they are in physical pain. Nothing is funny and everyone seems like they're making noise or breathing a certain way just to be a dick.

I am not looking forward to night afternoon.

I guess I can just put it out of my mind and enjoy the night morning bus ride...

Blogs are the bastard unwanted children of the new generation...

Ok, so I'm not very good at keeping u[p with this blog. For a while I felt really bad and guilty for not doing my part, but then I realized something: Blogs only survive because of the guilt they cause in people... For example: tonight, I could have just come home and gone to sleep, which would have been amazing... but no... I couldn't do that, because I have a bunch of blog entries to do... It's like I'm a filthy alcoholic and I have a kid that I don't really feel emotionally attached to, but that I feel obligated to feed.

Whatever. Don't judge me. It's not like I really have a kid (that I know about). It's just a stupid blog. But on the other hand.. this blog has the same eyes as me. Also, when this blog sneezes, it sneezes three times in a row... just like me.

In a way, it's like this blog is a child that was conceived and born under my supervision...

This revelation makes me wish one thing...

I wish I had had a coat hanger ready when I came up with the concept of this blog...

a once in a lifetime entertainment extravaganza of epic proportions.

I was on the bus on the way to school the other day, and I was treated to a once in a lifetime entertainment extravaganza of epic proportions.

The guy sitting right in front of me was putting on a one-man radio show, apparently for himself.

At first, I didn't know where the soft sound of falsetto singing was coming from, until I narrowed it down to the squirrelly looking guy sitting in the seat in front of mine. After a while, his falsetto signing turned into a deeper announcer voice, and then a slightly different falsetto voice started singing a different style song--this one was more of a ballad. All of this was just a little too quiet for me to make out the words, but hey some people even like the opera and who knows what the hell those fat dudes are saying?

The best moment in all of this came when a man walked in front of the bus as the light changed to green causing the bus to brake suddenly. The man in front of me, who was mid song, paused his broadcast only for long enough to say (and I kid you not): "whoa buddy, what the hell? Are you out of your mind?"

I've said it once and I'll say it again: "I don't care if I never get a car!"

enjoying things while they last...

With the coming robot-human wars fast approaching, it is more important now than ever to take advantage of some of the good things in life before they become unavailable to us. The fact is that, when the time come for people and things to choose sides in the war, it is not difficult to predict which side the buses will take. Humans have exploited and mistreated buses for many decades; we have forced them to carry around our stinkiest and craziests citizens while we drives them into the ground under unthinkable conditions. So when the time comes and the buses join the toasters, computers and ATM machines on the side of the robots, don't be one of the ones who think to them selves: "Man, I wish I had had one last bus ride!"

Super Late Magazine Blog!

So it turns out that I had a blog assignment due about two months ago, that I didn't know about until today, so here it is, hopefully better late than never.
The topic I was assigned is "Magazines", which is cool, because I have a lot to say about that jazz:
I'll start with a story about what used to be my favourite magazine... Ad Busters.
I used to absolutely adore this magazine. It really spoke to my deep seeded hatred for irresponsible advertising. Every issue was filled with great stories and mock advertisements for huge corporations, like one I particularly enjoyed for McDonald's that showed a fat kid in a swimsuit with the caption "There's a little McDonald's in everyone." In fact I ripped that ad out and it's still on my wall.

All of a sudden, however, maybe due to financial necessity, Ad Busters began running ads for their own brand of sneakers. I was so disappointwed with thwem for this complete contradiction, that I actually sent a carefully worded letter to the editor, saying that they had strayed from their primary mission, and that I thought they should make up for this transgression by busting themselves.

The last issue of Ad Busters I ever bought, was the one in which they didn't print my letter.

I couldn't justify paying money for a magazine for which I had lost so much respect.

Now I just bust ads myself in my spare time, sometime while I'm on the bus...

Tackling a Transit Taboo

I realized recently that if I'm going to have a blog about taking public transportation, sooner or later I'm going to need to talk about bus flatulence.

We've all been there: on a long bus ride, when we feel the rumble that warns of the winds of change. In this case of course, the change I'm referring to is the change from not stinky to stinky.

My personal policy has always been to fart as sneakily as possible when on the bus, and only when there are least three people present, as it's very hard to pass the buck when there's only one other person around. "Who farted? uhh.. you did!"

I realized the other day that not only am I sneaky about farting, but I'm more likely to do it when I'm sitting beside someone who looks more likely to fart on a bus than me.

I was on the bus feeling the rumble and considering my options. All of a sudden, a lady got on the bus, and I immediately began intensely hoping she would sit beside me; she was perfect! She had a pretty severe case of the crazy eyes, and was wearing a big ratty wig with a chin strap. I could see as she was walking down the aisle towards me that she had her eye on the open seat beside me. I'd already let go of about half of the goods by the time she sat down next to me. Only a few minutes later, everyone within nose-shot was giving her the dirtiest looks you can imagine, while I was just sitting there beaming and soaking it all in.

It worked so well, that it makes me wonder how many people have done the same to me. I do have a mullet...